Aug. 10th, 2015

rio_luna5: (wheat field & storm)
I for got to add PaganiCon to the list, this is a hotel con sponsored by Llewellyn Books over Ostara weekend. I was looking at the website and thinking about going there instead.

Because there is some weirdness happening wrt P'con and the hotels. There are 3 shots to get into the hotel itself, a lottery system with no guarantee. The Airport Garden is BOOKED solid for the weekend, the Courtyard down the street is charging 140 a night, and 260 on 2/14. The Doubletree normally charges 99, the Airport Garden 90, con rates. So this is, I dunno, obnoxious as hell.

I'm also stewing in comparison, and feeling daunted and stuck about: my magickal skills, my priestess skills, my workshop skills, etc. Also, rubibees prob won't make it. Also, RowanF might not make it.

Should I go and not present? Maybe just make myself very useful in the Umbanda Suite? Be present for Immanion events and try to help with those? Do I dare to hope that last year's awful re-entry won't repeat itself?

And then I thought: I could go to COnVocation instead. No, Detroit in Feb is NOT charming, but...a new venue, more chances of my workshops getting picked up, I could work on Black Madonna. I could do the Golden pentacle, that would be an awesome new venue to present that. Plus, at ConVo, Kenn Day is a presenter and it would be great to re-connect with him, see some Sheya magick and learn more about Urban Shamanism (my new interest).

Likewise, Paganicon. Lots of the same folks (Thorn, Taylor, Orion) go to present there. Again, a a new venue, a new place to do the Black Madonna or Intro to ADR or the Golden pentacle.

Despite issues with weather, for whatever reason ConVo and Paganicon feel juicier to me right now, and I wonder if it's because I'm feeling slightly less competent every time I compare myself to Yeshe Rabbit. which I shouldn't do, but when I'm in my stuck it's hard not to. The same confidence I feel about presenting here in town or at Beltania, just evaporates. Pantheacon really is the Carnegie Hall of pagan evnts and the only way to get there is Practice.

I did cme out of the weekend with one new determined thought: I feel ready to present at living earth about ADR now. They invite foldk from various traditions to talk (this is how K got in to talk about Feri, and also the way by which she stepped on enough toes to be dis-invited).

I hate missing Pcon. I want to go, I want to go to all these things.

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