rio_luna5: (wheat field & storm)
[personal profile] rio_luna5
I love to go to pagan fest, but it's always challenging to allocate the funds and commit to going. For years I put off going to Spiral, it was always a little too much and a little too far, and I alwsys talked myself out of it, til the 2000s and I ended up only going 3 times, when the fest had contracted and become more focused but also much less populated and somewhat less 'fabulous' (less dramatic rituals, no vending at all).

And also, in past years, I just really am over camping. Despite the air mattress and the 0 degree sleeping bags, the girls and I were mostly miserable at Dragonfest, and I'm not sure I would have had a better time without them. The first year I went (2002), I went with my coven, many of whom were old-timers and had all kinds of camping luxury and fuu to share. it was fine. last time was exhausting, and I had much less fun as I was chasing after cherise or struggling to cook on a tiny one burner stove in the hail in a field of thistles, while everyone else had camp kitchens and RVs and were all living large as hell.

In any case I am skipping Dragonfest this year again, and I am okay with it. It started this morning, and in past years I was bummed to be missing it, but this year I KNOW if I wanted to be there it would be pretty hard to be pulling it together to go.

So far this year, I went to Pantheacon and Beltania and presented at both. I had a TERRIBLE re-entry after Pcon, which still makes me mad, but saying I won't go is letting the terrorists win.

I want to present at Pcon, but it's like playing Carnegie Hall: you really have to have your shit wired tight. I did my Black Madonna lecture a few years ago, and last year Yeshe Rabbit and her cabal put on a Black Madonna devotional that included, among other things, a beautiful woman singing 'Ave MARIA' in latin during the whole rite. Pantheqcon is what challenges me to get better at ritual, at my personal praxis and at putting on larger rites. it makes me feel like my skills deteriorate more very year. I'm having lots of feels about this. I need to sign up for Pcon this month and also submit workshop ideas. I have some inkling about what I want to do and I'm ALREADY talking myself out of it, or thinking IF and only IF Rayna can co-present with me...

I don't know why I am in such comparison-angst with other proiestesses right now, but I am.

I wrote a list of all the conferences I am interested in at the moment:
-dragonfest, this week. not going
-Pantheacon. I always go back and forth but skipping it feels like a defeat. I'm going in 2016 but I need to set up more care for Cherise.
-Convocation. The week after Pcon in Dearborn, MI. I'm interested in attending this gathering, but one admits, Detroit in February is not nearly so nice as California in February. Not this year, but I like the idea of gatherings/cons being part of my 'business' at some point, it would be nice to start making an appearance soon.
Sacred Space - early March in Maryland, VERY expensive comparatively. Not going.
-Folk Magick and Conjure fest, in NOLA, Nov 2015. This is sooooo totally expensive, it's hard to imagine ever being able to go to this thing. Hotel is spendy, and each class/day costs a bunch. A few years ago the graveyard ancestor rite cost 200 bucks just for that, never mind the other classes. As much as I want to learn conjure/hoodoo, I cannot fford this and I'm not sure I agree with chartging this fucking much to teach (mostly) white, affluent people the magick of the slave caste. See also: sour grapes
-Inner Convocation rituals with RJ Stewart & Anastacia Nutt. This will be my 3rd weekend workshop learning about their Underworld/Faery traditions. This one is about the foundational work of supporting one's body and home while engaging with this work. I am also part of a group in Boulder who work with them and are in teacher training with them, so there's a definite line of their students who are committed to the work and carrying it on in community. I like the idea of a community, everyone at their own level and working at their own pace, teaching and supporting this work. The ultimate goal here is [Saving the Planet] and I'm glad to be back in a focused community of faith where the work itself is so juicy for me. This is happening in October
-Crafting Spiritual evolution, with Thorn & Friends. Thorn's next online Morningstar course is a 4 month exploration of Air, followed by the rest of the elements, which includes weekly homework and the text "evolutionary witchcraft.' Altho it is more expensive than Fiat Lux, I proved to myself that I can be present and focused on the bi-weekly homework with Fiat Lux, in fact I was one of the most present and active voices in the forum. I am still in the forum, working thru the Iron and pearl pentacles on my own and processing with whomever is still in the forum. But with just me and 2 other, infrequent posters, the work I'm doing feels like I'm on my own. Which is fine, but I want greater rigor and accountability, and I always love to work thru the elements, so I think this is perfect timing. It starts on Sept 1, and is 100 a month, spendy, so this is why I'm pushing so hard to get my credit cards paid down, before the new monthly auto-payment kicks in.
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